Marry Them or Bury Them: Here Are 5 Ways To Test If You & Your Partner Are Compatible
‘Tis the season of love and romance, but at JUICE, we are always itching to cause some chaos.
If you’re single during this upcoming Valentine’s Day, don’t fret. We have an article that you can use to wipe those tears of loneliness with.
But if you’re single and happy about it, more power to you! Unless you’re in denial…
This article is targeted towards the couples who are frantically adding items to their Shopee cart and booking a fancy restaurant to impress their partner.
Embarking on a relationship is often a scary, yet exciting process. If you’re the type to overthink to the point of insanity, good luck in this modern society of situationships and whatever-else-ships…
While some of us are still skimming through our list of sneaky links to see who can graduate into becoming our partner, others have already settled down with the one they find the most compatible.
However, what if they’re not as compatible as you thought they were and now you’ve landed yourself in an existential crisis where you’re questioning everything – even down to all the text messages you’ve sent? Maybe I shouldn’t have sent him that “hey u up?” text…
With that, let’s get into the 5 ways to determine if your partner (or that hottie you’ve been seeing on the down low) is compatible with you!
1. Be honest from the get-go and yes, I mean COMPLETELY honest
Complete honesty and transparency can be scary, especially during the early stages of a relationship.
Getting to know someone can be like eating hard candy where the outer shell is sweet and comforting, but when you bite into it, you’re attacked by a sourness so potent, that it makes you scrunch up your face or maybe even spit it out.
The goal is to find someone who likes how sour you are because let’s face it, none of us can be sweet all the time.
The way to do is to reveal all of your quirks in the beginning, even the ones that you deem “bad”.
Think about it this way, would you rather spend your entire life with someone hiding your real personality or would you rather be with someone that you can be your true, authentic self with?
And if you haven’t been honest with your partner, now’s the time to have that conversation because surely you’re exhausted pretending to hate things that you actually like. Listen babe, I know I told you I like Radiohead, but sometimes I just want to dance to Blackpink!
So, show them the mess inside of your head and if they’re truly the one for you, they’ll hold your hand and help you clean it up.
2. Talk about your favourite movies and music… even the embarrassing ones
Stemming from our previous piece of advice, it’s important to have common ground when it comes to our hobbies and interests. The easiest way to navigate this is by talking about your favourite movies and music.
I get it, during the courting stages, we want to only show them the movies and music that we think they will find impressive, but we shouldn’t hide our cringe-y interests either – because when we embrace the cringe, we embrace ourselves.
Imagine you’re on a long road trip with your boo where you’re in charge of the aux and suddenly Pierce The Veil’s ‘Caraphernelia’ comes on when you’ve been telling them that you only listen to 19th century classical music. You might end up in a car accident!
Same goes with movies. Don’t just tell them about all the black and white Ingmar Bergman films you’ve seen, let them know that you appreciate the Shrek saga too.
By sharing all of your favourite movies and music, it gives them a glimpse into who you are and there’s nothing more important in a relationship than vulnerability.
And remember, there is no such thing as a “guilty pleasure”, there are simply just pleasures.
3. Ask them about issues that you care about. Actually, ask them about EVERYTHING
There’s nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone and finding out that they’re secretly misogynistic and homophobic. So all this while when I’ve been talking about women’s rights, you’ve been liking Andrew Tate’s videos behind my back? The disrespect!
We go through life with our own set of morals and regardless of how much you love your partner, you shouldn’t compromise on things that you truly hold dear.
If you’re a champion for women’s rights, you shouldn’t be dating someone who thinks “females” are subservient creatures who should wear aprons and nothing else.
If you’re an ally of the LGBT community, you shouldn’t be dating someone who uses homophobic slurs and thinks gay people cause natural disasters.
No matter how hard you try to justify it, it will not work in the long run.
So, before you wake up one day next to a dumpster fire of a human being, ask for your partner’s opinion on all the issues that are important to you and if they don’t align with yours – it’s time to cut them loose.
4. Don’t be afraid to talk about the future
Ah, the future… The main source of all our anxieties because none of us can jump through time or predict what will happen next. And if you think you can, you’re delusional or you have a time machine – in which case, can I borrow it? I promise I give back!
I’m aware that some of us are dating just to live, laugh, love, but no matter how hard we try to push the subject away, we can’t help but wonder sometimes, “Is this the person I’ll be spending the rest of my life with?”
If you find yourself thinking that, another question to ask would be, “What does that life look like?”
I can already sense your heart rate increasing as you read these questions but it is important to think about, especially when you’re investing your time and love into this one person. My time and love not cheap you know!
Talking about marriage, family, kids, careers and possible relocation is integral in a relationship because why should you waste your youth and vitality on someone who has no ambition or emotional capability to commit?
Don’t be afraid of talking about the serious stuff even if you feel it might change the dynamic of your relationship.
Think of it this way. Change is similar to a calm river. By letting the water flow around you, the experience can bring you peace.
It is only when we try to stop the water from flowing by building dams with broken sticks and jagged rocks that it can harm you. Because these fragile dams can break and you might drown beneath the tumultuous current.
Going from just casually dating, to being exclusive, to potentially getting married shouldn’t scare you if you’re with the right person.
5. Find out your love languages and attachment styles
Listen, if the famous electronic duo, Honne can talk openly about their love languages then you can talk about it with your partner!
For those unaware, love languages are different ways of receiving and expressing love. There are five main love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch and
- Acts of service
Ranking your love languages from the most important to the least can help your partner understand the best ways to make sure you feel loved and appreciated. In return, you can find out theirs and reciprocate accordingly.
When you don’t know your partner’s love language, you tend to love them the way you want to be loved, which isn’t necessarily how they might like it. By sharing each other’s love languages, both parties will feel heard, seen and fulfilled.
It’s the same thing with attachment styles. There are four main categories:
- Anxious: seeks approval, support, and responsiveness from their partner. Tends to have abandonment issues.
- Avoidant: emotionally strong, independent, and self-sufficient. Tends to avoid emotional closeness.
- Disorganised: unstable and ambiguous. Tends to want intimacy, but avoids getting too close in fear of getting hurt.
- Secure: comfortable expressing emotions openly and trusting their partners. This is the only “secure” attachment style while the rest are categorised as “insecure”. People with this attachment style cultivate healthy relationships while still being content if they were single.
Understanding your partner’s attachment style helps with communication but it comes in especially handy during arguments, which we are all bound to have.
If you’re the “avoidant” type with someone who is “anxious”, you might not understand why they’re constantly in need of your validation and attention when all you want is to be left alone.
If you’re “secure” with someone who is “disorganised”, you might wonder why they are hot and cold when it comes to the relationship that they were initially on board for.
However, when you have an honest conversation about attachment styles, it becomes easier to understand why someone might be acting the way they are. Being mysterious is overrated.
When it comes to serious relationships, you should study your partner like you would a book. And hey, if that sounds tedious (because who likes studying?), just look at how attractive they are and that might motivate you. I know I buy my books based on how much I like the cover!
And there you have it, JUICE’s guide to determining if your partner is compatible with you.
We’re not trying to stir the pot (or are we?) during this season of love, we’re just trying to look out for you.
At the end of the day, be it Valentine’s or otherwise, we all deserve love and if one article might help you figure that out, what’s the harm in reading it?
Happy Valentine’s Day from the people that will always love you – JUICE.