The 10 Scariest Types of Men You’ll Ever Meet

It’s Halloween season but scary men exist all year ’round… If you’re a man and you’re tired of how much women talk about the worrisome and frightening experiences we have with your kind, imagine how tired us women are…

In light of the spooky atmosphere that is beginning to take off this month, JUICE has curated a list of the top 10 men that are making the world a more desolate place to live (as if climate change and the melting of ice caps aren’t headache-inducing enough). Without further ado and in no particular order, here are the culprits…

P.S: All screenshots were taken from the writer’s Twitter and Instagram DMs. Usernames and pictures have been blurred for privacy.

1. Pious Horndogs

illustrated by kkkkkiddddd

Starting off the list with one of the worst offenders, the pious horndogs. These are the men that would lecture you on what to wear but in the same breath, beg you for nudes. We all know these guys because they run rampant on social media. You know the type, the ones who preach endlessly but when you check their Twitter likes, it’s abundant with porn. They monitor our attire and police our behaviour but as soon as we start to entertain them in any way, their tone shifts into a desperate, rabid dog in need of us to throw them a bone (in their case, nudes).

Hiding behind the facade of religion, these men often parade their deeds online in hopes that it would bait women into thinking they’re upright citizens. In reality, they’re just horny lil’ boys who would kill to have you for one night before lecturing you on how ‘slutty’ and ‘dirty’ you are after they’re done.

If you encounter these horndogs, the ‘block’ button is free, ladies. Use it!

2. Down-low Homophobes

illustrated by kkkkkiddddd

Malaysia is a diverse country, consisting of many races that (sometimes) live together harmoniously. However, the same idea of togetherness within different races cannot be applied to harmony within different sexualities. Every day, the LGBT community is berated to the point of physical violence and even death because of the brewing hatred that is a result of engrained homophobia in our society. Despite this, LGBT activists have repeatedly revealed that these homophobic men are usually the frequenters of gay clubs or gay brothels.

These men are commonly known as the down-low homophobes within the gay community. Mocking and degrading the LGBT community in the streets, but submitting to those same men in the sheets, these hypocrites are truly the bottom of the barrel. The down-low men are not just limited to fuccboi club-goers but religious figures have been called-out for this behaviour as well.

Remember, no ‘straight’ man is worth losing your self-value. Getchoself a nice, pro-LGBT man-candy that doesn’t use 3-in-1 body wash.

3. “Forgot my wallet at home” guy

illustrated by kkkkkiddddd

Can someone claim their broke ass man ‘cos he’s rummaging my purse for spare change? I think we’ve all been on awful dates (my condolences) with men who conveniently, as the bill approaches the table, announce that they left their wallet at home. The first time, fine maybe they really did misplace it, but after the 3rd time, you’re just playing us for a fool.

Men love to label women nowadays as gold diggers but they fail to acknowledge that most women nowadays have no problem with paying their half of the bill, some even offering to pay the full check. It’s because we love to treat you, especially if you’re a decent guy who we see ourselves with long-term. However, it’s the men who purposely bring us to shitty restaurants, treat us poorly and expect us to wait on them hand and foot who are the root of our problems. Do you really think you’re that amazing that we would ignore all the precursors to a troublesome relationship and pay for your meal?

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with treating the ones you love but there is plenty wrong with paying for a bum who refuses to cash-out on a McChicken. Next time, bring your damn wallet or pay for your half by washing the dishes in the restaurant kitchen.

4. Feral catcallers

illustrated by kkkkkiddddd

My blood is boiling just thinking about it. It is abysmal how a staggering 99% of women have experienced catcalling or any form of sexual harassment while minding our own business.

To add a personal anecdote, I was 8 years old when I experienced my first encounter with a feral catcaller. Actually, the man who harassed me was worse because he had the audacity to grab my behind while I was walking with my aunt. Stunned and too young to know any different, I turned around and saw a group of laughing teenage boys. Since they were smiling, I thought, “Oh, this must be a joke that I haven’t heard of. Haha, that’s fine then.” I am 21 years old now and this experience still resonates with me. I now know what they did and I am sick to my stomach that I didn’t say anything about it.

This is traumatic, embarrassing and disgusting. No, we do not feel validated when you catcall us, we feel sick. No, it is not a compliment, it is an insult to our autonomy and personal space. And no, we will not ‘chill’ because it is a serious matter and women are frightened to walk alone in fear of being catcalled or worse.

To all men reading this, if you see a catcaller loitering in search of prey, don’t just stand there, speak up! In the words of Desmond Tutu,

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”

5. Desperados

illustrated by kkkkkiddddd

Not to be confused with the song Desperado by Rihanna or the spaghetti-western starring Antonio Banderas, the desperados are an entirely different and repulsive breed. The desperados are the kind of men that push you to initiate a sexual exchange, mostly in the back of his mom’s car. These men usually come in the form of incels (involuntary celibates) that we see online (predominantly on Tinder) but they also operate on-ground at bars, universities and high schools.

They lure you in under the pretence of wanting to be your friend before they hit you with the, “Hey, awak open minded tak?” and proceed to manipulate you (also known as gaslighting) into becoming their FWB (friend with benefits). Some even graduate into becoming your boyfriend before showing their true, desperate colours. Take it from this victim who had a guy insist on furthering their relationship as he watches her sleep, like a creep.

On most occasions, when the desperado is unsuccessful in their quest to bed you, they will turn into spiteful monsters who will degrade and spread false rumours regarding your lack of sexual encounter. Dangerous snakes, they will catch you off guard and might sell your pictures to seedy Whatsapp/Telegram group chats where men distribute, without consent, pictures of girls who rejected them.

6. Two-timers

illustrated by kkkkkiddddd

I don’t think there will ever be a shortage of cheaters in our history of life on Earth. Contrary to popular belief, women are not responsible for their men’s affairs because no matter how high we are on the spectrum of perfection, men still cheat. Even Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, was cheated on by Prince William with no one other than her own best friend. Sigh… If you’re going to cheat, can you not make it so cliche?

It is the prevalence of social media and living in excess that has catalysed this upsurge of cheating scandals. Networking has become easier than ever with platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and to throw in a dating platform, Tinder. With a swipe or click of a follow button, you can instantly engage with someone new, someone exciting. The person you have waiting at home or on the other line becomes second priority as you entertain the new, shiny toy you have under your belt.

To add salt to injury, cheating sometimes is not just a physical interaction, but it is a visceral and emotional one as well. And that’s the kind that hurts the most…

7. Pop culture Mansplainers

illustrated by kkkkkiddddd

Mansplainers are bad enough but when you mix that faux-superiority with a shallow knowledge of film or music, you have brewed yourself a nice, steaming hot bowl of Pop Culture Mansplainer. To the uninitiated, a mansplainer is a guy who extensively explains something that you already know but in the most condescending way. Imagine talking to puppy, when you’re asking it not to poop on the sofa again. That’s the exact tone of voice a mansplainer adapts while he’s speaking to you.

This happens all the time. Say you’re having a conversation about the latest movie release, in this case, the Joker movie. You voice your solid opinions before being interjected by the resounding bark of a mansplainer.

“No, no, no! You don’t get it! This is what the movie is really about…”, he says as he drones on and on about how “We live in a society” and that “The Joker was misunderstood and is a hero”. Completely disregarding your opinion, he strokes his ego and expects you to agree with him because he feels as if his opinion is the more superior of the two.

It doesn’t matter how all-encompassing your knowledge of pop culture is. It doesn’t even matter if you’ve seen every Marvel/DC movie and read every comic book from front to back, mansplainers will still make you feel less than. In hindsight, you might think, “Oh, what’s the harm in that? He just likes to talk about things. It means he’s passionate.” Well, passion is one thing, but shutting down a woman when she’s talking and giving valid points is a harbinger of misogyny.

One of the characteristics of a misogynist is not giving women the opportunity to speak up because they believe we have nothing of substance to say. Hence, associating with a mansplainer could increase their already heightened ego into something explosive. Just be careful out there in the streets, ladies. We don’t want another villain on our hands.

8. Public Transport Gremlins

illustrated by kkkkkiddddd

I know it’s a public transport but can I please have a little bit of privacy? By this I mean, can all of you creepy men stop staring at me like you’re planning out our entire future together?

Women dread going on public transports, especially the LRT during peak hours, because we know that we’re going to get inevitably stared at or even subtly (if not abrasively) groped by stinky, sweaty and greasy men. I’m not sure what the thought process is behind shooting laser beams at us with your eyes as we’re literally minding our own business, listening to Hot Girl Summer for the 56th time that day, because you have nothing to gain from doing this. Side note, getting sexually harassed in public transports is not hot girl shit, I can tell you that. In fact, it happens to all of us, regardless of our physical appearance because newsflash, we can be covered from head-to-toe, yet still be subjected to these public transport gremlins.

Let’s hear it from these ladies who kindly shared their experience with me through Instagram DMs.

9. Online flashers

illustrated by kkkkkiddddd

Are you a woman on the Internet? Well, it’s highly likely that you’ve been sent a d*ck pic without your consent. Since we are currently living in an era where social media is ubiquitous, flashers have migrated to the online world where it’s easier and a lot less risky for them to flash us their revolting genitals. It’s quite a simple process actually which makes it all the more enjoyable for them. All they have to do is download Instagram or Twitter (their most frequented hang-out spot), pick an innocent girl, and send her a dimly-lit, unshaved, unwashed d*ck. I mean if you’re going to send one… at least shave the Amazon rainforest down there.

It’s harrowing to know that most girls are introduced to these kinds of images too early in their adolescence. Most of us have seen a penis pre-maturely because of these men that relish in the idea of exhibitionism towards young girls. This is especially prevalent if you’re one of those high-school kids that went on Omegle with your friends during sleepovers. It is important to remember that just because something is commonly done, it doesn’t make it right to continue doing it. It is traumatising and desensitising to the point where most girls no longer see the problem behind this behaviour. We chalk it up to, “Oh, there’s another dick again” before proceeding to block.

We need to recognise this behaviour for what it is. Vile, inappropriate and needs to be stopped.

10. The Body Shamers

illustrated by kkkkkiddddd

It’s a tale as old as time when men feel they have the right to comment on our bodies. Not only do they do so inappropriately and vocally, they actually believe that their opinions are beneficial to us. The body shamers usually roam around social media, under their magnifying glasses, looking for someone to berate. If it’s not on social media, they will go so far as to tell you to your face exactly what they think of you.

There is a cardinal rule when it comes to commenting on someone’s appearance. If it’s something they can fix immediately, like chilli in their teeth or a booger in the nose, then by all means, let them know. But to comment on body weight, something that they probably struggle with their whole lives and can’t be fixed within a split second, that opinion needs to be kept to yourself especially if your comment is anything but helpful.

To make matters worse, by suggesting that an overweight woman is not ‘desirable enough’ to warrant rape is an erroneous and egregious statement. Not only do you think rapists are provoked by a woman’s appearance thus blaming women for rape, but you would belittle women further by telling them that they’re basically ‘ugly’ and even rapists would not want them. I can’t even wrap my head around that mindset because I would lose braincells if I tried to do so. So much is wrong with the mentality of these men who obsess over a woman’s appearance and body proportions. Please… Get a job or a hobby that doesn’t involve spewing your stupidity.

Conclusion

I think some of us can agree with the sentiments of this Twitter user when asked, “What is the most disturbing thing a man has ever done to you?”

In all seriousness, the pervasiveness of issues that arise from the existence of these aforementioned types of men has caused major discomfort in women. It sometimes feels like we can’t catch a break from having to deal with one douchebag to the other. However, us women are stronger together, standing in solidarity to understand one another’s plight and to help each other through it. There’s a lot of work to be done and if the men aren’t helping, then we’ll just have to do it ourselves.

I mean, it won’t be the first time…

Thank you to the women who provided their stories to me via Instagram/Twitter. Your input has definitely helped further the narrative of this article.

Thank you to kkkkkiddddd, our JUICE illustrator, for drawing these creepy men in their true essence.

For more incendiary jabs, JUICE has a spicy selection.