Malaysian politics have been in the gutter for a long time. One of our young Writers mentioned the other day that local politicians have been arguing about the same ol’ issues since he was born. I immediately chipped in and concurred, “It’s been happening since I was born and I’m almost 40.”
I’m sure a lot of us have thought of being PM at some point or another. Just a silly passing notion that we’d do better than those who are often labelled as clowns by the rakyat.
Globally, the trend of favouring younger, more relatable candidates for nation leaders seems to be gaining momentum. There are people like ex-goth kid Andrew Yang who, although he just dropped out of the 2020 USA Presidential Race, represented a much needed breath of fresh air in a match dominated by stuffy, corporate types.
Because it’s still seditious for normal citizens like you and I to focus and comment on the decay of our elected officials during times of political turmoil, I won’t go any further. Instead, here’s a JUICE-curated list of fantasy candidates for PM in a not-so-silent protest to the recent buffoonery.
1. Chef Wan
If he can cook up a storm in the kitchen, he can whoop up parliament. Malaysians are fixated on food – it’s the only thing that unites our cultures. Without a doubt, Chef Wan is the only wan who can produce a finished product that is a fair representation of the Malaysian mix.
Chef Wan earned the praise of netizens recently for taking care of his ill ex-wife even though he was bedridden himself, but in the past, the good chef was scorned by fake news.
As someone who doesn’t hold back when he speaks his mind, like he did when criticising the food quality on MAS flights (that’s not how nasi lemak should look like), Chef Wan’s un-minced words fuelled to the ire of many when he called some Felda settlers out for being lazy after receiving the Ikon Anak Felda award from Tun M.
The right-wing owned, fake media set out to destroy him, but he cleared the air [that he meant some (“segelintir“), not all Felda settlers were lazy] in an interview NST. But even then, he reaffirmed his belief that those who were guilty were no better than crooks, saying, “Since when is telling the truth wrong?” Oh yeah… he also said he wanted to slap Jibby for being disrespectful…
The man can definitely take the heat.
2. Joe Flizzow
Hip hop would have been a passing fad in Malaysia if it weren’t for this Budak Subang.
He can be president and PM at the same time, leader of Malaysia and the local hip hop scene. It’s 2020… stop asking why and start asking why not.
Also, 16 Baris is da bom!
3. Azmyl Yunor
He’s an educator, researcher and the hardest working indie musician in town. No one has toured quite as extensively as the troubadour and it’s quite telling of his style–honest to God folk music about Malaysia and life in Malaysia.
It’s often said that local artists don’t protest anymore and have lost their sense of ‘art’ in pursuit of riches. Azmyl has got an arsenal of material to counter that statement, from thought-provoking songs about the purity of love vs traditions (‘Lena‘); to the coming-of-age, welcome-to-the-jungle tale of a virgin (‘Anak Dara‘); to rebel rousing shout-alongs (‘Penipu‘) and ‘falling down and getting up again’ motivators (‘Kinchang Penindas’).
Currently working on his latest album – John Bangi Blues, here’s a little reminder why he’s a candidate – his ability to tackle complex issues and document his findings in simple 3-chord songs like this…
If you’re looking for a local musician who can carry his weight and more, Azmyl Yunor is your man.
Dato’ Seri Vida (DSV) Anak Cik B You don’t really need to ask why we chose this Kween. If you need to know more about why this rags-to-riches candidate landed a spot in our list, check this out. Though we almost dropped her because her cryptocurrency didn’t take off (LaVida Coin would’ve been a disaster anyway), it’s her fun loving personality that is, how to say.. so fun and viral!
We also hear Dato’ Seri Vida has got a pretty cool daughter… wait, what? She body shamed her daughter on social media? Okay, let’s nominate her daughter instead…
DVS has two kids, her daughter Edlynn, more affectionately known as Cik B, is a strong young woman. Well, guess you have to be if your mom is THE Dato’ Seri Vida. Kids who grow up with flamboyant celebrity parents tend to err on the side of caution IRL. That makes Cik B a down-to-earth type, but she’s cool enough to play along with her mom’s antics … she just does it in her own way.
5. Andrew Yang
We know he’s an American but this is a fantasy list if you didn’t read the headline.
This fringe Democrat candidate entered the Presidential Race about a year ago and quickly gained attention for his economic proposals, most notably, giving every American over the age of 18 (America’s pop. is about 330mil) USD1,000 per month in the form of Freedom Dividends in move to stimulate the economy and help American workers who had lost their jobs to automation. He would raise the funds by taxing big tech companies who had profited enormously in past years (tech stocks like Amazon are worth 4-5 times more today than 5 years ago). Yang believes that big tech has a role to play in the development of society if the we are to achieve a utopia.
A lawyer by training, an ex-goth kid, and frequent talk show guest, what can go wrong? Now that he’s dropped out of the Presidential Race, let’s get him!
6. Upin & Ipin
Okay, if you’re still reading this list, you should know by now that this is a fantasy… or is it?
’til Monday comes, stay cool, folks.
More apolitical stuff here.