How I Used TikTok’s Law of Detachment to Heal After Being Played By a Mediocre Man

By Aqasha Nalani  •  03 Apr 2024 in Features

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Disclaimer: The following article contains the writer’s personal story. If you would like to submit your confessions, email them to [email protected].

For the past month, I’ve been spending most of my time in my bedroom, crying over a man who failed to love me like he said he would.

Last September, during the honeymoon phase of our relationship, it felt like we were both the main stars of a rom-com film.

For instance, when I told him I had plans to move to Auckland, New Zealand, he said he would try to get himself signed with an international modelling agency to be closer to my presence.

“I would move with you to Auckland and make your dreams come true. I’m fine with meeting your besties and following all of your plans. And then, obviously, we’re going to find proper jobs in our fields to survive there,” he promised.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine. As for me, I target landing a spot in a modelling agency there, but before that, I have to make sure I secure one in Malaysia. But that is the second option—just a backup plan for everything I do in life.

“I also have a construction management background. All I need to do is to digest the building laws for that country and make connections. After that, we’re good to go,” he added.

However, by January, things had changed. After making even more promises, he left me completely in the dark.

Suddenly, there were no more, “How was your day?” or “Can I see you soon?” messages waiting for me when I left work.

Our fairytale ended, and my days quickly turned to me wondering if he ever missed our banter or if he still cared about us.

On Friday, 23 February, we had a fallout that forced us to sit down and discuss what happened to our relationship.

He told me to say everything that was on my mind, and I regretfully said I missed our time together and asked us to go back to how we were.

This, of course, went exactly as I had expected. The conversation ended with him saying, “I think I was just really focusing on my stuff and did not know that it affected you like this.

“I think we better stay as friends and nothing more than that, as I am now not looking for any relationship.”

And just like that, he threw all of his promises out the window without even apologising for how much he had hurt me.

To make matters worse, in April, he reposted a TikTok video of a girl showing him off as her new boyfriend, and she posted that video on Wednesday, 6 March, only 12 days after he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship.

F-ck.

What happened between us led to a string of unhealthy events that I brought on myself, spending my days obsessing over what I did wrong while isolating myself from those around me.

I soon found myself taking an annual leave from work to wallow in my sadness, and while I was wiping away tears listening to Ariana Grande’s ‘we can’t be friends (wait for your love)‘, my best friend jolted me out of my depression by suggesting I try TikTok’s popular law of detachment.

But what is the law of detachment?

According to Medium, it is the ability to let go of attachments to specific outcomes or desires. By removing these attachments, we free ourselves from mental and emotional limitations and can manifest what we truly need.

In other words, it’s about freeing ourselves from the constraints of our desires to think and act more logically, enabling us to make decisions based on reality rather than solely on our emotions.

Through detachment, you’d be able to attract space for genuine connections, removing yourself from the heartbreak of not being treated the way you deserve.

Now that we’ve discussed the concept of detachment, here are four steps you can take to let go:

Step 1: Feel your emotions and grieve as much as you need

In the context of healing from a heartbreak or a breakup, the first thing you shouldn’t avoid is your feelings.

As intense as the anger or sadness can be, allow yourself to be fully submerged in your emotions because running from or suppressing them can prolong the healing process.

But instead of doing something stupid like calling them when you miss their sweet lies, try something healthier like journaling, catching up on your hobbies, or even publishing an article for thousands of people to read without them knowing who you’re talking about.

Step 2: Knock them off the pedestal you accidentally put them on

Falling in love can be the most beautiful feeling in the world, but it can also lead us to see our partners in a way that may not always be true to reality.

If you accidentally did that, don’t beat yourself up for it. It’s a common experience to see your former partner through “rose-tinted glasses” when all they can ever afford to do is lovebomb you anyway.

But it’s important to remember that they’re not the person you’ve been fantasising about!

In fact, they no longer exhibit the same behaviours and patterns that you initially fell for. After all, your ex is a human being, and they, like all of us, have flaws and shortcomings.

As much as you don’t want to, listening to your friends’ perspectives can also provide valuable insights. They may have noticed things about your ex that you didn’t see or chose to ignore.

It’s also okay to acknowledge the humour in the situation, such as your friends comparing your ex to a character from a movie. Finding humour in difficult situations can be a healthy way to cope and move forward.

From personal experience, my friends remarked that the man I was with lacked attentiveness and that his appearance resembled Jojo from Horton Hears A Who!, which I now cannot deny.

Step 3: Stop giving a f-ck

Moving on is a difficult process, and as you navigate this new chapter, you may find yourself stalking them on social media or checking to see if they have seen your Instagram Story.

We do not entirely condone this behaviour, but if you feel compelled to do so, remember that you are not required to react to what your ex is doing with their life. After all, they probably do not care about yours.

However, if you’re a true ‘lovergirl’ at heart and are hurt after checking their updates, it’s best to block all of their social media accounts.

Remember that the main goal is to detach yourself from your desired outcome, so if you’re still holding out hope that the two of you will end up together again, just let it go and set your boundaries straight.

Step 4: Remind yourself you’re THAT b-tch

The worst aftermath of a failed relationship is losing yourself and failing to recognise your worth.

After months or years of receiving reassurance and being reminded of how amazing you are, you may struggle when that person is no longer in your life.

Personally, I wasn’t that angry when I found out he got with another girl right after we ended things, but what hurt the most was that I no longer knew who I was.

For the first time in my life, I couldn’t see the beauty in the mirror or the confidence and intelligence I’d always been praised for.

It took me a while, but as soon as I was able to stop giving a f-ck about his life, I regained my conscience and returned to reality—that I am that b-tch and I never needed him anyway.

At this point, it’s critical to remind yourself of your goal. So, continue to maintain your boundaries, put yourself on a pedestal, and never look back.

While these four steps worked for me, there are plenty of other detachment methods available on TikTok that you can try yourself

If you’re in a terrible state of blaming yourself for how your relationship turned out, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, so I understand. You’ll get through it, I promise!

And I understand what some of you are thinking: Did she really detach herself if she wrote the entire first half of this story about how she was wronged?

The answer is yes; I’ve completely let go of all my attachments. But I might as well cash in my trauma for a paycheque. <3