Let’s Talk About Sex: 5 Misconceptions Malaysians Need to Break to Truly Enjoy Making Love

Image Jon Cuadros

Sex in Malaysia is scary, it’s like playing Minesweeper. Click on the wrong box and you might set off the bomb; choose to get in bed with the wrong person and you might face the fallout of the event for days, months, and even years. They will either stalk you, marry you, or call the authorities on you. Of course not all Malaysians fall in this reclusive category, there are a good number of folks who are healthy about sexual intercourse. But for the majority, it’s still a topic that needs to be discussed because when you think about it, most of the problems faced by our countrymen/women are due to sexual deprivation.

We Malaysians need to talk about sex, because the way some of you boys and girls are doing it is just not right. Below are five things I believe locals need to understand about the act of love making if we’re ever to enjoy it to its fullest satisfaction.

1. Size Does Not Matter (not if you know what you’re doing)

One and perhaps the biggest misconception that boys (not just Malaysians) have about sex is often the inadequacy of their penis size. It’s everywhere on the internet, just look at any bad advertisements on those sketchy websites. There is always some product promising enlargement for one’s members. This is perhaps the greatest insecurities that males have from all around the world from all ages. I mean, the nuclear war between USA and North Korea could be triggered due to the size of their leader’s buttons.

Sex is not just about humping each other like in porn movies. There is no need for a gang bang, or many different positions. Sex is more than just ‘duck’-ing, it is making love. And when you make love right, you don’t need to have a black panther’s ‘tail‘ to make a girl arch her back and tremble her legs for you, trust me. Don’t blame the tools, don’t blame the canvas, if your craftsmanship is strong then you can make art anywhere. Be creative.

(Source: Nadzim Zainal – ménage à trois, March 2015)

2. Sex is not love and love is not sex (best if it is both in one) 

The second thing that we tend to do is relate sex with love. Let me make it clear now: Love doesn’t mean sex and sex doesn’t mean love. But sex done right is a ritual of love and expression, wrapped in a coating of lust. Don’t get me wrong, when you’re truly in love, having sexual interaction is perhaps the best thing a human being can ever experience in his or her life that is free, legal and natural, but the two is not the same thing.

I can understand why these two emotions often get tangled since they’re both basically the same chemical secretions in your brain with slight alterations, but please don’t be fooled by those temporary feelings. Love is far greater than just a fleeting passion for your companion in the heat of the moment, love is stronger than that. The ultimate emotional connection should survive even if the two haven’t had physical entanglements for awhile. Nevertheless, it is  NOT advisable to test the love in a relationship by denying sex. But in my experience if you really love someone, continents, time zone and sex is just a trivial matter.

Real love should withstand any sort of cheating due to the uncontrollable lust of a single party. Not saying that one should forgive easily without genuine regret and redemption from the guilty party, but do understand that lust does not equate to emotionally replacing the individual’s importance and connection. I don’t know, maybe I am just trying to justify my terrible actions. But I believe if we’re able to comprehend this separation of sex and love then the idea of an open relationship is not as taboo as it may seem.

(Source: Nadzim Zainal – ménage à trois, March 2015)

3. Respect your partner (it is salsa not a dance battle)

Just because sex and love is not the same thing, it is not an excuse to continuously hurt your partner’s feeling just because you can’t keep your pants up, that’s just a douche move. Remember, the best kind of sex is when both parties are enjoying it and are in the same vibe.

Lust is like a game of ping pong, you can get your fix playing alone against the wall but it’s best when both sides are in the right rhythm. Having sex is like a non-competitive ping pong session, you need to bounce the ball between two paddles without breaking the flow. It’s alright to lose tempo; it’s not a contest to see who gets the most points and who finishes first or last, it’s the dance that is the most fun part of the activity. Great sex can go on for a long time or a short time (duration doesn’t mean quality), and though the aim is to release, it is not necessarily a must.

The main key to having a good session is to know your partner’s needs and not be selfish about it. Respect him/her as a human being who also wants to execute their finishing move. It’s your duty to assist your partner in any way possible for him/her to reach climax. Also, a gentleman should always respect their lady.

(Source: Nadzim Zainal – ménage à trois, March 2015)

4. Communication is key: acceptance and discussion

The best way to understand your partner’s needs is simply to cuddle, talk, and listen. Like truly listen. Not just hearing to reply, but listening to the words and all the detail those lips are saying. Don’t just stare at those sweet lips and fantasise about caressing those tender pillars against yours. Understand that the person in front of you wants to be understood in and out, just as you wish to be understood. Accept rules and regulations that your partner has given and discuss the things that you wish. Only when both parties are in mutual agreement of the terms and conditions of the activity can the execution be smooth and fun. Consent is important.

Don’t be fooled by the media or porn, there is actually conversation during the action, not just in the act of dirty talk or awkward pauses of embarrassing sounds. The more comfortable you are when talking about sex, the more you’ll realise its true nature and power of pleasure and the less you would force someone to ‘duck’ you just because you were horny.

(Source: Nadzim Zainal – ménage à trois, March 2015)

5. Be adventurous

Once both of you are aware of the boundaries and preferences then you would know how to spice things up without worrying if it’s too wild, or if the other person is really into it. Whether it’s choking, playing with ropes, a slight spanking, adding some toys to the game, reading the book of ‘Kama Sutra’ for inspiration, bringing in a tag team partner or whatever it is that helps get your socks off, just make sure you both are enjoying it without breaking the country’s law.

Finally of course, use condoms or any form of contraception. Don’t be a fool son, your pull out game is weak. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t risk it. It isn’t worth it, man. Trust me, the pregnancy test is the scariest shit in the world. And that whole AIDS/HIV/STD thing. And are you really ready to have kids, dude? No cure man.

(Source: Nadzim Zainal – ménage à trois, March 2015)

Sex is like a team sport, anyone can kick the ball into the net, but it takes mastery of the ball and communication with your team mate to be Pele and win the cup. To master is to learn first, and to learn you need to talk about it. Stop hiding behind religious dogmas, this has nothing to do with it. Those who claim that religion is all the sex education that a growing human being needs is (1) delusional and denying reality, (2) someone who’s never had a real good shagging; I pity you.

It’s a human experience that everyone goes through. The more we talk about it in a healthy manner and proper attitude, the safer it would be and the better the sex is. Imagine a whole city (Berlin, I love you) where everyone understands sex, loves sex and wants to have sex all the time. You don’t need to worry about the little things ’cause they’re fully grown adults who know how to ‘duck’.

Less drama, less trauma, less dumpster babies, and more happy healthy adults who just got laid. Thank god we still have folks like Popek Popek who are championing the sexual education agenda.

Go forth, have fun and try not to multiply.