It’s the End of the World as We Know It, and We Feel Fine: Part III

By Alif Omar Mahfix  •  in Features
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Not to sound irritable but I foresee the end of these things;

Gender-Specific Media Channels
I know they mean well (or there’s lots of money to be earned) but it’s getting a bit worrying. First we had Hallmark turn into DIVA and then Capital FM went female on us too. And with taglines like “we don’t get hot flushes, we get power rushes*” blaring in the mornings, there’s very little left to restrain me from turning off a once disarming station that surprisingly played gems from Nirvana and Alana Davis back-to-back. Psychology tells us that the less we pigeonhole things into gender categories, the less gender-biased we would be in other aspects. So let radio stations and TV channels remain unisex, please.

*or something as cringe-worthy

Tumblr-on-FB
Mad at your boyfriend/girlfriend? Hurt by your colleague? Disillusioned with the world? Please do not click and share that picture with a landscape background and an emo one-liner on it. Those belong on Tumblr, not my Facebook newsfeed. “If you can’t find the answer, maybe it’s time you changed the question”. Yeah, alright, OK. All that pondering could be easily channelled into less annoying art forms. And if you put more than 5 seconds worth of thought into it, it might actually turn out to be pretty decent art. Let not sharing be the bane of the creative mind [insert lomo photo of a sunset].

Obedient Wives Club
Actually, a tiny part of me doesn’t want this club to end. They’re so entertaining to watch. Proclamations of how wives should be first-class prostitutes to their husbands will forever be one of the many audaciously quotable bits the foreign press will hold on to, I’m sure. The opinions that roll out of their mouths are the most outrageous things I’ve heard (next to Ibrahim Ali’s nuanced musings) since Kanye decided to tone down. But for the dignity of women in general, OWC really should come to an end.

Wedding PowerPoint Slides
Somehow it’s not very romantic anymore, no? You disagree? But everyone’s doing it? Exactly. I can safely say that every bride that got married within the last few years now has a shot of her wedding shoes, perched on a window sill with soft light falling about it in an ethereal glow.

Macaroons
Bring on the next expensive, pretty thing that looks better than it tastes, please. Let macaroon join cupcake on the shelf of Bygone Dessert Fads.

Adeline Chua is one half of acoustic duo Halfway Kings, we never knew she was this hilarious and opinionated. Find her band @ facebook.com/halfwaykings.