It’s the End of the World as We Know It, and We Feel Fine: Part I

By Alif Omar Mahfix  •  in Features
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If you’re wont to believe in Mayan bullcrap, 2012 will be the last year terra firma stands firm. JUICE seeks the help of saged scenesters to give us a look into the crystal ball for a much needed insight into what will happen in the year 2012, hoping to gain some foresight of what will end in the year (if not the world). Rather, some tell us of their predictions, others of what they want to happen, and some offer fantasy scenarios. We’re not complaining, it’s better than watching John Cusack in 2012 the movie again…

 

 

 

 

 

It’s always had its place. From Otis Redding to John Lennon and Supertramp to Peter, Bjorn and John. Hell, it was even cool way back in the good old days of 2010 when The Black Keys did it on Tighten Up. But now that Maroon 5, OneRepublic and (God help us!) Bruno Mars have done it too. I just want all that damn whistling to stop. I want it to die a horrible, painful death. And I hope that a warning is scrawled beside its lifeless body for future trespassers to take heed of: Whistle and your tongue will be cut out!

Granted, all that may not actually happen now that everyone old enough to purse their lips and trill a tune can be a recording artiste. But, truly, whistling should die. Preferably, alongside Maroon 5.

It’s no secret that I detest Adam Levine. Immensely! I hate that he pretends to be the champion of the indie classes while staring at all the shiny trophies on his mantelpiece and playing Frisbee with his gold records. I hate that he thinks himself better than everyone else in pop. And most of all, I hate that he wants to move like Jagger. So it is my belief that if the Mayans are (were?) indeed right, sometime this year, someone who can actually do something about it is going to realise just what a douche the guy is and slam the door in his unshaved face. He’ll get thrown off The Voice. His songs will get banned from clubs, radio and TV. And he’ll have his Twitter access revoked. Permanently!

Artimus Piles is part ranter, part troll and all kick-a$s music journo. Irreverent coverage of local music @ threefingersback.blogspot.com.