5 Struggles of Malaysian Guys With MCO Beards

By Ammar Haziq  •  06 Apr 2020 in Listicle

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We’re now entering the fourth week of the Movement Control Order and honestly, what’s real anymore? Am I even in my house right now? Anyway, for guys, this might be the time to go all-out commando because who cares #freethesomething

As for guys who have full beards, it can feel like a blessing and a curse. One day you look like Captain America in Infinity War, and next thing you know you’re Tom Hanks in Castaway.

Taking care of a beard isn’t as cheap and easy as taking care of your armpit hair. You can’t just wing it, that baby needs conditioning, essential oils, and love. With the boredom of isolation and the fear of this pandemic taking over us right now, taking care of a beard shouldn’t be a priority, but it’s there anyway.

It asks a lot, for something you didn’t ask for, and sometimes you think maybe looking like a neanderthal isn’t a bad idea. I understand, I really do. I’m not far from looking like Big Foot’s cousin right now myself. So, let’s pray that these 5 beard struggles will go away on their own…

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1. It acts like a second mouth

A full beard is a being on its own. It touches everything you eat and drink first. The first sip of your morning teh tarik is theirs, not yours. Give it a good comb and you might find some pieces of roti telur or dried sambal in there.

2. Tries to kill you in your sleep

Ruled of thumb: Do not fall sleep on your stomach. If you do, prepare for a wrestling match with the demon that possesses your beard.

An invention such as the beard bib is for struggle #1 as well as this entry into the list. This is where the phrase ‘sleep with one eye open’ came from, I think. Hashtag palatao.

3. You don’t know if your partner is attracted or disgusted 

Does she only kisses you on the forehead? That could be due to the ball (or patches) of hair on your face. No bro, you don’t look like Ryan Reynolds.

4. The line between man and animal is blurred

Mhmm… tough choice.

5. Racist people get racist ideas

I believe you when you tell me you didn’t go to any mass gathering, but will other people? That’s the struggle of being a bearded Malaysian man right now. If you plan on going out for shopping, maybe comb or trim it a bit before you kena chup as someone who needs to be tested.

Whether you’re planning to grow it out or shave it, all beards need to be kept in check.

Stay home, stay safe and get some JUICE.