Love is a hound from hell. Although here at JUICE we prefer to think of it like as Pat Benatar does – a battlefield. Perhaps it’s the drugs or the imbalanced personalities but rockstars in particular seem to choose the worse partners. Still they provide us with countless hours of entertainment, on and off the stage. This Valentine month we flip two finger up at the schmaltz with this cautionary tale of rock and roll couples that went looking for love in all the wrong places… Silly moos.
Text Ben Liew + Kevin Yeoh
Sid + Nancy
The ultimate doomed couple. Sex Pistols bassist Sid Vicious must have busted too many beer bottles on his noggin when he hooked up with no good junkie/groupie Nancy Spungen. Hooked on heroine, the couple were an overdose waiting to happen. A posthumous movie entitled Sid and Nancy was made by Alex Cox which loosely chronicled the exploits of the couple. It all went to hell when Sid allegedly stabbed his sweetheart to death in the Hotel Chelsea in NYC. Before he died from an overdose, Sid was asked by the media, “Where would you like to be now?” His reply: “Underground.” Junkie love is never pretty.
Pammy + Tommy Lee + Kid Rock
Former Baywatch bombshell Pamela Anderson (or Pomelo Anderson as she’s affectionately known around these here parts) has a taste for has-been rockers. After knowing the MÃ¶tley CrÃ¼e drummer for a mere 96 hours, Pam got hitch to Tommy Lee. In the 3 years they were together, Pam filed for divorce from Tommy twice and reconciled with him twice, before finally breaking up for good. In their time spent together, they made 2 beautiful children, 1 not so beautiful sex tape and contracted Hepatitis C (supposedly from sharing tattoo needles – yeah right). And how does Pam put the past behind her? By moving on to Kid Rock. Why Pam why?
Dave + Carmen
After staring in Carmen and Dave: An MTV Love Story, a reality series about their courtship, Jane’s Addiction guitarist Dave Navarro and sex goddess Carmen Electra followed-up with ‘Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen and Dave, which focused on the events leading up to their wedding. But all the hype backfired when the couple split 2 years later; leaving an already disenchanted MTV generation a little more jaded.
Iggy + Bowie
One of the greatest collaborations in music; Iggy Pop and David Bowie met in 1971 at Max’s Kansas City, a nightclub and restaurant in New York City. Bowie, who had been known to support musicians that he admired (including Lou Reed), produced Iggy Pop and the Stooges’ Raw Power – a landmark punk rock album. Raw Power could have been a commercial success if not for Bowie’s controversial booze-up mixing technique. Soon, they became members of the new “freak scene” in mainstream rock, fueled by sex and benders. 1976-79 became known as the Berlin Era for Iggy and Bowie as they attempted to “go clean”, sharing an apartment together in West Berlin. Prior to that, it was rumored that Bowie would smuggle in cocaine to give to Iggy who had checked himself into a mental institute. Their friendship remains intact till today and at age 61, these guys can comfortably look back at their wilder days in glee.
Kurt + Courtney
Who can forget the most notorious rock n roll hook-up of the last decade? Reminiscent of Sid and Nancy, Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love were the most celebrated junkie couple of the 90s. After Cobain’s suicide, conspiracy theories sprouted like mushrooms in the rain. One of which was that Love had plotted to murder Cobain. Although that’s highly debatable, Love, in the past, has been in dispute with the remaining ex-Nirvana members over royalty issues and unreleased material.
Axl Rose + Axl Rose
He took nearly two decades and spent over USD13 million to produce the much anticipated Chinese Democracy. Almost all musicians who have worked with Rose from Slash to Buckethead agree that the gingerhead is the biggest a$$hole alive. And one by one, they either left or were fired by Rose. Some people should just go solo.
Shaun Ryder + Bez
Happy Mondays singer Shaun Ryder met his muse early on in the form of street pusher Bez. As the good times rolled, Rave music was born. Bez eventually became part of the band as a dancer/percussionist. The Happy Mondays disbanded in 1992 after releasing their worst album (Yes Please!), recorded in a drug daze in Barbados. Why Factory records didn’t think sending druggies to the West Indies was a bad move, is anyone’s guess. When they did decide to stop funding them, the band sold off their equipment on the island to get more drugs. The Happy Mondays reformed in 2004 with just 3 of the original members, including good ol’ Bez.
Paul McCartney + Heather Mills
Fashion designer daughter Stella McCartney had warned dad about her saintly mum’s replacement but did the Beatle listen? Oh no. All seemed hunky dory as amputee filled her days with charity and her night’s with vegetarian meals. And then it came apart like a prosthetic leg during a taping of Dancing With the Stars. In court documents filed by Britain’s Most Hated Woman, Heather Mills claimed that estranged husband Sir Paul McCartney was physically violent towards her and took drugs. The rest of the world thought she was just some crazy bitch out for the Benjamins. JUICE would never make such a judgement call and can only hope that she is happy in her new career as an interior decorator – now that she can pad her cell out with Â£100 bills.
Travis Barker + Shanna Moakler
Oh the drama! Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker and American pageant winner Shanna Moakler had always seemed an unlikely pair. But who is to stand in the way of true love? Perhaps MTV who like Dave and Carmen and and Nick and Jessica gave the pair their own reality show. Not long after the tattooed sticks man filed for divorce from Shanna and the pair began to publicly air their dirty grots in a Myspace spat. Then a cat fight ensured between Shanna and Paris Hilton after rumours surfaced the celebutant was stepping out with the ex but ultimately no charges came out of the altercation. So like you do Shanna threw herself a divorce party in Las Vegas complete with a divorce cake featuring a bloody groom and a blonde, knife-wielding bride. Geez. Travis and Shanna have continually been seen together, alternating in their tabloid declarations of mutual love then hate in an ongoing on and off relationship, with Shanna predictably turning up at Travis’ bedside following the plane crash that killed 4 back in September 08. The soap opera continues to unfold. Trailer trash America awaits with baited breath.
Madonna + Guy Ritchie
We wrung our hands with much glee when the axe fell on this two headed liaison. Madonna has always had a penchant for acting like a vampire, sucking up all the good bits of a professional relationship before spitting out the husk when she’s done with it all. Her relationship with director Guy Ritchie looked no different. Married in a Scottish castle, she moved to England, effected an English accent, wrote story books about cups of tea and roses, rode around on a horse and generally pretended to be the Queen. Then the rumours started with it all purportedly going downhill after Madge fell of her steed and Ritchie in the middle or a flick (or eating a pork pie) didn’t bother to run to her side. Furious at the fact she was not the centre of the universe, the wonderful but weird world of Madge and Guy quickly crumbled like a Bakewell tart. The document released by the court states that Madonna, in a sworn statement said that that the reason for filing for her divorce is due to Ritchie’s “unreasonable behavior.” By December 15, 2008, the couple had agreed on a divorce settlement, but not before sharing with us their “true” feelings about each other – Madonna: “there are lots of things about England that I love, but my husband isn’t one of them,” and calling her hubbie “an emotional retard. Guy right back: having sex with Madonna was like “cuddling up to a piece of gristle.” Like we didn’t see that coming.
Pete Doherty + Kate Moss
Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty and supermodel Kate Moss are one up compared to their American counterparts like Pam and Tommy. Prior to their breakup, Kate actually co-wrote 4 songs on Babyshambles’ Shotter’s Nation. Alas, the party lifestyle and constant tabloid bombardments were too much for the couple. Doherty later commented that Moss left him because: “I can’t buy her diamonds”. Must be a code word for drugs.
Jack + Meg White
Brother and sister? Husband and wife? Not really. Jack and Meg White have a weird but working relationship. On stage, Jack refers to Meg as his sister, but she’s actually his ex-wife. And in a strange twist, Jack took Meg’s surname when they were married and has kept it ever since. His real name is John Anthony Gillis but The Gillis Stripes doesn’t sound as catchy, does it? Whatever tickles their fancies, just as long as they make great music.
WORST CELEBRITIES TO DATE…. Even if you get the chance… DON’T DO IT!
Marilyn Manson “Look Mom! He’s got crazy eye!”
Daniel Johnston A genius bi-polar singer-songwriter diagnosed with manic depression. He tried to crash a plane piloted by his father with himself in it. He’s got a heart of gold but please don’t let him pick you up.
Sarah Silverman Loud and uber-semantic. A Rosie O’ Donnell in the making. Run away!!!
JUICE Writers Wait a minute, we’re NOT celebrities! OR ARE we?!