The day bitter singles dread to live through is near. Similar to an apocalypse, certain measures have to be taken into consideration in order to avoid any kind of emotional or physical damage — stop throwing your ex’s things out the window, just chuck it in the dustbin to save yourself from having to spend money to replace broken glass. Every speaker will be playing a love song that you refuse to listen to because you’re anti-Valentine’s. It’s not a special day, it’s overrated. We’re (somewhat) with you, so we decided to take care of your playlist on this day because we care.
Happy no-Valentine’s Day to you.
1. Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive
Start the day by listening to Gloria Gaynor because at first you were afraid of going through this day as a single person, you were petrified because you didn’t think you could do it without someone by your side, then you spent so many nights thinking how everybody did you wrong but you grew strong, ‘cos you learnt how to get along. You’re a realist – you know that despite being in a relationship for the rest of your life, in the end all you need is…
2. Beyoncé – Me, Myself & I
… to be your own best friend. You realise that you deserve better than a mediocre relationship; you deserve someone who’s going to treat every waking moment with you like it’s Valentine’s Day. Flowers once a year? Please. Who approved the quota to taking your partner out for a fancy meal or writing a heartfelt message to just once a year? You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. At this point you’re reminiscing the lack of effort your ex put into the relationship, and probably thinking that he/she is a…
3. Big Sean – I Don’t Fuck With You
… stupid ass bitch. And rightfully so. Look at yourself — you’ve got better things to do than think about the person who you used to spend most of your time with. Ironically, it’s what you’re doing right now, but it’s alright because you don’t give a fuck. Though you can’t just say you “don’t give a fuck” once, you have to say it six more times in one sitting until it sinks in — the way Big Sean does it.
4. Rihanna – No Love Allowed
Now you start to think about your ex. You’re upset about this, so you remind yourself why it’s important… nay, a necessity for you to close the door on love on this day. Let RiRi cement this fact for you, “Like a bullet, your love hit me to the core, I was flying ’til you knocked me to the floor, and it’s so foolish how you keep me wanting more, I’m screaming murderer, how could you murder us, I call it murder, no love allowed.” A friendly tip; maybe stop dating murderers if you don’t want your love to be butchered.
5. Alanis Morissette – You Oughta Know
At this point you start composing a mental message for the person who broke your heart because they need to be reminded of the mess they left when they went away. The most important message to relay is to emphasise how much fun you’re having by having sex with other people so that they – the ex – remember all the bedside activities you used to do (“and overtime I scratch my names down someone else’s back, I hope you feel it”).
6. Buzzcocks – Oh Shit
Now you have a recollection of the sex you had with your ex. You start to remember what attracted you to this person in the first place, and it makes you want to throw up thinking about the time you spent head over heels for this person. You’re angry, so you need a heavier artiste to help you cope with this disgust (“Oh shit! I wish I’d known before now, oh shit, that you were such a fuckin’ cow”).
7. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts – I Hate Myself For Loving You
After feeling disgusted that you liked the human equivalent of a cow, you begin hating yourself for ever having feelings for this person in the first place. There’s no better anthem to contemplate your worth than this classic (“I think of you ev’ry night and day, you took my heart and you took my pride away, I hate myself for loving you, can’t break free from the things that you do, I wanna walk but I run back to you, that’s why I hate myself for loving you”).
8. Def Leppard – Love Bites
You miss being in love, even though it basically made you wish you could bury your head in your pillow for an entire year without it being socially unacceptable. You think of the person you loved and how quickly it took for them to move on but yet, here you are, listening to songs that’s making your heart bleed on Valentine’s ‘cos you can’t stop thinking about him/her even after swearing it wouldn’t be about them today.
9. Queen – Somebody To Love
You admit defeat. You want love. Maybe you’ll try harder at being a pessimistic slob next year.
Rathika Sheila is not a bitter single… really. But join her by curling up in your comfy bed and zone out for a while with this Valentine’s playlist, you will find contentment in the simplest way. You’d need really good sound quality though, so shop for the perfect earphones to wallow in self-pity from our Electronics Coupons page.