Two nights of stark raving madness – deadmau5’s showcase and A State Of Trance’s second time in KL – plus one day-to-night long music festival encompassing all genres during the main event? Future Music Festival Asia 2014, spanning 3 days from Thursday 13 March to Saturday 15 March, is going to be the music fest equivalent of a triathlon! While not Ironman Triathlon level yet (that’d be Glastonbury), we wager not many Malaysians have experienced a festival of this magnitude before. JUICE, being the reveller of all manners of indulgence, has survived enough festivals in and out of the country to not be none the wiser of festival necessities. Because everyone loves listicles, we present to you our personal #FMFA2014 Survival Tips…
Not applicable for the first 2 days. Come main event on Saturday 15 March though, you don’t want to turn the fest into a lobster tank with your fellow stubborn Asians. Think you’re safe because you’re darker skinned? Well, enjoy peeling your skin 3 days later like a transitioning Brundlefly – sunburn’s a bitch.
Only time they don’t look douchy. Also handy to hide your eyes (you know why) when our photogs are nearby.
Know the lineup lest you want to be called a soulless hipster (by a non-lifestyle online publication)
Hey, someone’s bound to pull off a Jimmy Kimmel in KL. Might just be JUICE.
Don’t be afraid to bust a move alone, you might start a riot
Quickest way to make friends, inebriated or not.
Social media apps
Instagram everything. Aside from making your presence at a cool festival known to the public, you’d probably make it easier for your friends to find your intoxicated ass.
… and miscellaneous apps
From FMFA’s own app, which makes it easier to refer to set times and festival map, to services like MyTeksi and Uber for ease of public transportation. Having the right apps are essential, which brings us to the next point…
You’re a luddite, you think smartphones are ruining human interaction, blah blah blah. Who f*cking cares about your refusal to adapt to modern times when you can’t find your friends?
Sadly while you practically have a mini-computer in your hand, the mobile phone you used to play Snake with still holds up better when it comes to battery life. Bring a power bank, hell, bring three.
All else fails, walkie-talkies!
Aside from the cool factor, you’d look legit enough to pass off as one of the ground staff. An opportunity to sneak backstage into the artiste area and witness the trance DJs practising their Jesus pose in front of the mirror.
Of the sugary and sweet or performance nutrition type, candy and energy bars are legal alternatives to staying energetic at raves and festivals. Just make sure they’re small enough to carry around without accidentally crushing them into something resembling chewed gum in your back pocket.
Let’s be honest, you’re bound to think some of the music are shit. Rather than complaining to your friends while they’re enjoying the show, you can plug these in, sit down, and shut up.
Some of us are approaching middleage, man. We need to sit on something and Bukit Jalil National Stadium’s tarmac is going to be hot enough for frying an egg. Foldable chairs are portable and practical.
You can do away with the wellingtons thanks to the new venue (hey, you can wear your hip shoes now!). But yeah, the prospect of rain still means ponchos remain a festival staple.
Don’t go overboard with your festival getup
Unless stated so, music festivals don’t double as furry conventions. Please remove your fursuits, do you really want to sweat it out in a bovine costume while people mistake you for a fetishist?
Alternatively, hydration pack
Much less suspicious, although you’d look like a drunk marathon runner.
Note that these 2 might not be possible come event day now that we’ve revealed our ‘trade’ secrets.
Everything costs more at festivals, you’d be broke with that RM50 budget purely from just alcohol.
Because everything is better with beer in hand.
For more information or to purchase tickets, log on to www.futuremusicfestival.asia or www.facebook.com/futuremusicasia. Visit also www.astateoftrance.com for details on Armin van Buuren’s A State of Trance 650: New Horizons.