5 ways to dodge those taxes

Thirsty for JUICE content? Quench your cravings on our Instagram, TikTok and WhatsApp

Chill, I’m not telling you to buck the Government. But with last week’s budget presentation, the same social scourge has gotten its fair whipping – that’s right, cigarette prices have gone up again. I’m not saying I smoke (*blatantly fake halo*), but for those of you who do, this might be a good time to finally kick the habit and live with working lungs and tastebuds once again. I’ve listed down five ways for you to avoid paying those tobacco taxes and live nicotene-free. But uhh, don’t sue me if they don’t work:

  1. Chew gum til your jaw locks up. Chewing gum won’t get your mind off cigarettes, but your mouth will hopefully get too tired to hold up a stick of tobacco after chomping through a carton of Wrigley’s.
  2. Start working in a hospital, school or petrochemical research facility. The law has more than just high taxes for you if you smoke in and around these places.
  3. Fix your teeth. Once your teeth become fantabulously gorgeous pearl droplets in your mouth, you’ll think twice about staining them with tar and flushing down the ten grand you spent on getting that Brangelina smile.
  4. Buy – and carry around with you at all times – a hookah/shisha. It’s a chore to set up, cappucino-flavoured tobacco is only sold in niche stores, and Arab tourists will pester you at the taxi stand for a quick puff.
  5. Watch The Godfather several times. Realize that even after repeated viewings, you will never understand what the hell Marlon Brando was saying. Then realize that if you keep smoking you’ll sound exactly like that. Imagine your grandkids not being able to get what you’re saying when you’re asking for the oxygen tank.

On a serious note, though, quitting those smokes isn’t just good for your wallet, it’ll do wonders for your life – you’ll live longer, people won’t mind standing next to you on the LRT, and on the reproductive front, you’ll be giving your army of tiny swimmers new-found vim and vigour. Check out this link for really good ways to kick the habit.